After posting I spent time studying for the exams that were coming up. Exams here are unlike anything I've ever taken before. We wear "sub-fusc" (full academic dress including the gown and motorboard) and sit on benches at long tables and write for 3 hours at a time. It's a bit nerve wracking, but I tried to balance studying with fun because there is no point in not enjoying the time I have in this magical place. That means even though I was feeling overwhelmed, I went to yoga that Thursday and had a really wonderful practice. Afterwards, I ate dinner and then Louis came over to watch Moonrise Kingdom, which I ended up loving. It's a bit different from a lot of Wes Anderson's films, but still has the same style and some of the same themes. I thought it was wonderful.
That Friday I also just worked all day, including a 2 hour review that included a mock exam. It was good practice and actually made me feel much better about exams (at least for that day).
Saturday, May 10, was Keble Ball. I worked a good bit and then midday went and got a manicure. I'd only had 2 before in my life (one in middle school for perfectly polished and one before a big scholarship interview last year) but I understand why people get them done regularly. My nails look and feel great and it was a nice treat. After that, I did more work and then met up with Katherine and Cato to go get our hair done. We'd found a place that was willing to do it for very cheap, and do all of us together, and it was really nice girl time. Plus, I think all of our hair turned out amazing (though at first I was skeptical with all the teasing that happened). I'll definitely be using this lady again if I have events in the future.
Anyway, after hair styling, we headed to Katherine's to get dressed and Anna, Fran, Sophie and Gabrielle met us there. After getting dressed and putting on makeup and debating jewelry and just being typical girls, we finally headed to Rob's to meet the boys for pictures. After a few group shots, we decided to head to the Ball. Trinity term balls are a tradition at Oxford and various colleges (and sometimes clubs) host them. Some are black tie, others are white tie, and the tickets range from about 80-300GBP ($130-500). If it sounds pricey... it is. But, the tickets include food, drinks, an open bar with wine/beer/champagne/cocktails, multiple live bands, carnival rides and entertainment. All the balls are also themed, and this year the Keble theme was Romanov Russia.
Waiting for the rain to stop so we could take photos in the garden
NSEPers (plus Michael and Sam)
NSEP ladies: Fran, Katherine, me, Anna, Lisa, Sophie, and Gabrielle.
Selfie
I have to say that the ball was pretty great, but when we first arrived we were cold and it was misting rain and gusting wind and we were all freezing. The ball as largely outside/under tents so waiting outside in line for food and drinks was kind of crappy, but the decorations were great. There was also very little vegetarian food, which I found to be very disappointing. Lately, the only meat I have been eating is fish (trying to only buy/eat sustainable fish) and I still eat duck rarely, mostly just because I still love it. Anyway, there were not even any fish options as even the fish option had sausage in it, too. Regardless, we finally found pancakes at one of the stands, so that was nice.
Katherine, me, Brittany, Mhairi, Louis and Rob
Some of us heading into the ball
Anyway, once we had all explored and found food and drinks, we reconvened under one of the big tents with a live band and spent several hours dancing. By this time, Tom and Brittany had met up with us as well and it was a huge group of NSEPers all dancing together. At some point we decided to go ride the ferris wheel. As I was getting on, it did cross my mind that I probably shouldn't ride a ferris wheel at a college party, but it was fun and nothing bad happened other than Ben and I tipping our cart too far forward and knocking it into the ground at the bottom (oops).
Brittany and I were trying to be Angelina Jolie. Failing miserably.
Ferris wheel tipping over
Silent disco
More silent disco
The ball was winding down
We were aiming for a sorority squat...
After party at Acland
By the time I got home and got out of my dress, got my make-up off, etc, it was around 7AM when I finally fell asleep. I woke up around noon or so and decided to go for crepes with Louis at a place I've been wanting to try. I've heard really good things, but Louis and I both thought that the food was so terrible that it was really just inedible. We both ordered eggplant, sundried tomato, basil, and brie crepes... and we got crepes filled with gray sludge. Louis supposes that you would have to TRY to make food that bad, and I have to say that I agree.
While in the crepe place I ran into a friend of mine who decided to discontinue his degree at Oxford to go back to his journalism career in west Africa so when we finished lunch I went with him to get coffee and cake. I wasn't sure I would get to see him before he left and even though we didnt really hang out after my first term at Oxford, I have a lot of respect for him and it was great to get to see him before he left for the Ivory Coast.
From there, I came back home and did a bit of work and made dinner before calling it a night and getting 9 full, glorious hours of sleep. Monday we had review session and then I worked all day in St. Antony's... first with Tom and Julinana and Katherine, then Tom and Juliana left and Louis arrived. I had dinner with Louis and Katherine and then Katherine left and I kept working with Louis and then Andreas joined. I got a lot done... but I still have so much to memorize before Monday.
Monday night I had all sorts of nightmares relating to exams and I was feeling really stressed. The worst involved people shouting random names at me and expecting me to reply with dates and content/quotes. They werent even actual authors we have read and I couldn't answer any of them and then the names became physical so I was being pelted with the likes of "Jones!" "Bernard!" etc. It was really bizarre and I woke up feeling very unrested. Still, Tuesday morning I got up, did some studying, and then headed to the revision session for science and politic. It did NOT go well. I actually felt okay when I went into it, as in, I understood the content and was still working on memorizing citations... not a bad place to be with a week to go until the exam... BUT the professor leading it was really harsh and kept basically telling us that none of us knew enough.
After the lecture Brittany and I planned our post exam vacay... we needed to change the dates around a bit, and that meant that all the flights we had priced out were way different prices and so we kind of had to start over... but then we ended up finding an amazing deal on a flight to Crete and we booked it on the spot. Crete was Brittany's original top choice, and Greece (Santorini to be exact but I'm not complaining) has been towards the top of my travel list for quite some time. I managed to find us a hotel (a 4-star resort on the water for under $60/night... so less that $30/night/person.) Amazing. So after exams I'll have a week to unwind and then I'll head to Crete with Brittany for MORE relaxation before I buckle down on my dissertation. After all our planning, I had lunch and did work with Brittany before heading to the Rhodes House to meet TA Barron and listen to him give a talk.
TA Barron was one of my favorite authors growing up, but I was particularly obsessed with a book called The Ancient One. When I finally visited the redwoods in CA in the summer of 2011, I was transported back to that story... it's always held a special place in my heart. As it turns out, TA is really the dad of one of my friends and course mates (Ben), so I got to meet him and attend the lecture which was intended for Rhodes scholars. The talk was upbeat, non-technical, inspiring and exactly what I needed to hear, both right before exams and because of some of the things I've been grappling with about what I want to do in life and my plans for the future (more on that later).
After the lecture I hung out and talked with other NSEPers there along with Ben's mom. Aside from being excited to meet someone whose stories I love, I also just love meeting people's parents. I always think it's such a great insight into where people come from and why they are the way they are. In this case, I think the relationship is particularly evident, which was fun to see.
After the talk, I met up with Louis to make dinner. After some debate, we settled on making mexican- vegetable burritos. We roasted peppers, made rice and black beans, mango/pineapple salsa, and guacamole, along with having cheese and sour cream. It turned out really well if I do say so myself and Andreas joined us for a bit of food and some flashcard games as well. It was a relaxing afternoon and evening after what had been way too stressful of a morning.
Wednesday we had our last revision for a class (GPP) and afterwards, I went back to St. Antony's with Brittany and we worked for awhile. I was actually pretty productive and started to finally feel like I know enough about enough to do decently on the first exam. After awhile Brittany left and I honestly don't remember who I studied with that evening or if it was alone. That night, I reviewed some main authors- Latour, Castree, Smith, Foucault and Flyvbjerg. My friend Katherine then messaged me and said to google pictures of Flyvbjerg... I did... only to realize that he's a guy who regularly comes to the same latin dance class I go to and that I've danced with him multiple times. He even goes to latin nights at Bridge (a club) on a regular basis. I feel like only in Oxford would you be dancing with a scholar who is huge in your subject field and not even realize it. I didn't even realize he lived in Oxford... he's Danish and I assumed he was still working/teaching there.
On Thursday I met up with Brittany to do work, but she asked me about whether or not I've been looking in to PhD programs and I kind of had a melt down/explosion that's been brewing for awhile now. Not at Brittany, just a general freak out about my future. Essentially- I think it was a positive breakthrough on what I might actually want to DO with my life. Thursday evening I went to yoga, which actually wasn't such an enjoyable practice. I have been struggling to do knees/chest/chin properly. I'm not sure why but my body just doesn't like to move that way. The teacher is fantastic, but it's pretty sad to feel like I was failing at yoga... which isn't something you are supposed to be able to fail at. It was just exam stress and frustration but it was still not great.
By Friday it was REALLY feeling like crunch time. I worked alone for awhile and then did flashcards for a bit with Tom. Then for dinner I met up with Louis, Katherine and Andreas for pizza and more studying. After dinner we were working quietly when a GIANT beetle came flying into the kitchen... It was one of those with horns, and Louis and I were total babies about it and ran out of the room. Thankfully, Andreas was brave and captured it and released it outside.
This picture does not do its size justice
Saturday the weather was gorgeous- I got lunch with Louis and we ate while lounging in the GTC gardens. Then I did flashcards with Tom before doing more solo studying. Then I ate with Louis, Katherine and Cato and left right afterwards with the beginnings of a migraine to get plenty of sleep. At that point, I felt pretty prepared, so Sunday was a mix lounging, studying and shopping. Oxford has a tradition that you must wear a white carnation to your first exam, a pink one to your middle exam(s), and a red carnation to your last exam. It's bad luck to buy your own so Andreas and I bought them for each other and also got ingredients to make dinner together. Dinner ended up growing into a much bigger even than planned, but it was nice to eat with Louis, Andrea, Katherine, Cato, Rob, Juliana, and Dennis in Andreas' garden and laugh a bit before heading home to do a bit of reviewing and get sleep.
Studying with Louis. Gorgeous, perfect day
Preparing for dinner in the garden
Monday was our first exam: Theory and Analysis. I got up and put on my sub-fusc and pinned on my white carnation. The dress code makes it that much more stressful.
Still, the exam was much better than I anticipated. I was almost over prepared in the sense that I wanted to pack so much into my answers that sometimes I probably wasn't very coherent. I had 3 hours to answer 3 questions (of 12- we got to choose!). I chose to answer the following:
- What differences do more-than-human approaches make to the theory and practice of political ecology?
- Is capitalism ecologically irrational? Justify your answer, making reference to examples.
- 'Controversies must be resolved in order to be politically generative.' Discuss.
Tuesday I slept in, but once I was up, it was back to studying. That evening was more cramming and then dinner again at Katherine's with a few others- a soup and salad dinner. Wednesday was exam number two: Research Skills. Again, I answered three questions, and when I read through my options, I was so excited to see a question on truth. It wasn't something we talked much about in class, but for some reason I felt really compelled to study for it and had so much material prepared- the questions were the best I could have hoped for and I answered the following:
- Critically examine the roles of ethics and positionality in the research process.
- How, and to what extent, do visual techniques respond to, "the urgent need to supplement the familiar repertoire of humanist methods... with experimental practice that amplify other sensory, bodily and affective registers" (S Whatmore, 2006)?
- Qualitative research methods are good for capturing peoples' interpretations of the truth, not the truth itself. Discuss.
After this exam, I was much less ecstatic. I felt good about the exam, but it was hard to believe there was still another one to go. I still went for a sandwich with everyone and then to get ice cream with Andreas, but then it was back to the books. I joined Louis and Andreas for dinner (chinese) and then we worked at GTC for a bit before I was just too braindead to keep going.
Just one more to go!
Thursday was stressful. I felt the least prepared for the last exam and it was also the material I didn't have a great grasp of (with the exception of one class). Still, I spent the day cramming and trying to keep from crying from stress and exhaustion. My hand hurt and I felt overwhelmed, but I made it through the day and night for the last exam: Policy and Governance. I answered the following:
- 'Governance is like the Medusa of Greek mythology. If it was once a beautiful creature then it has long since become a multi-headed beast, inducing paralysis among those fixed by its gaze' (J Evans 2010). Discuss.
- Decision-making processes have often resulted in large infrastructure projects that did not meet objectives. What should be done to prevent this situation from happening with future projects?
- What are environmental advantages and disadvantages of profit maximisation as the 'golden rule' driving corporate decision making?
When I left that final exam I should have felt elated, but I mostly felt tired. Still, as we walked out of the exam school there was confetti thrown and champagne bottles popped and lots of celebrating and it made for a good time. From there we went to the Turf Tavern for food and pints and we ate outside but then it started pouring. It somehow seemed to fit my mood. Everyone else just seemed excited, and it's not that I was sad, per se. It was just that symbolically the end of exams also signaled other changes- many of my close friends here are on the 1 year program and I knew this would be one of the last times we were all together. It was like the little insignificant things suddenly felt momentous... almost like anticipatory nostalgia if that makes any sense. I finally decided what I really needed was a nap.
Leaving for the last exam
I earned all three of these
NSEP post exams!
Opening the bottle of champagne!
That evening we had an NSEP celebration that our course director, Kersty, put on for us. A good many people from the teaching staff this year came, and lots of NSEP, though a few people already had other commitments. It was a fun evening full of joking with professors and free wine and snacks and at the end of it, we convinced our course director to come to the King's Arms with us for one last drink and more talking/laughing. After the Kings Arms closed, a group of us (me, Juliana, Andreas, Dennis and Ole) headed to Camera to dance and hang out. We left before the place closed (unusual for us) and stopped for falafel wraps on the way home.
Ole complained that he was tired...
So Andreas and Dennis offered to carry him home...
Saturday I was exhausted- it wasn't just from the night out, exams here felt really intense and even though they went better than expected, I still felt like I was just mentally drained. I woke up around 10AM or so and by about 4pm I wanted a nap. I figured I would take a quick nap and then be up and good to go after an hour or two to go buy things for a cookout at Juliana's and be there by 7. Instead... I slept until 11. Then I was up from 11pm-1am and then back asleep until 8am the next morning. I must have needed it- but I missed a really fun night that included Juliana's bbq, afrobeats at Freuds, and then skinny dipping with NSEP in the Cherwell (which it was cold and rainy so actually maybe not so sad I missed this).
Sunday it was more rest and a bit of reading and then Monday was more work and Ole's goodbye dinner. Almost all of NSEP (22 people) ate at a really delicious Lebanese place called Al-Shami. The food and company was wonderful and afterwards we went to GTC and then to St Antony's to talk and play games. Things finally broke up around 3AM as we all hugged Ole goodbye. It's been really sad to see people start to leave... Oxford won't be the same without them next year.
The rest of the week was a blur. Wednesday I had a meeting with Kersty to get approval to change dissertation topics and supervisors. Thankfully that went well, so I'm now working with Dr. Jamie Lorimer on animal geography. Although I'll no longer get to use horses as my research subjects, I still think I made the right choice. My previous project was more using horses as a lens to study business contracts and importation legislation, and this project will have me actually getting to do more with animals. On Thursday I met with Jamie to start narrowing down my topic and so far, my project will be something along the lines of an ethnographic study of lab animal cognition research. The broad aim with be to explore what shapes animal cognition research, how understandings of cognition are constructed, and what this tells us about the place of animals in some dimensions of Western thought and practice. Jamie and I share some enthusiasm for octopi as a possible focus for the project, since they are a very intelligent species, but one that many people still don't think of that way because their intelligence, their bodies, and their habitats are so different from our own.
That's still a broad topic and I feel a bit behind because everyone else is preparing to do fieldwork over the summer and I'm still doing background reading and trying to nail down an exact research question, but I still feel like this is the best decision I could have made for myself. For awhile, I was seriously doubting my desire to continue into academia, but during the exam revision process and studying, I came to see again that I can't really imagine doing much except for academia... so I should probably pick a project that can point me further in the direction that I want to go.
Friday Dennis had a focus group/scenario planning meeting to help him with his dissertation, so I went to that in the afternoon and then Dennis and I went to the Rose and Crown for dinner and drinks and just to catch up since I havent seen much of him since before exams. Afterwards, we decided we should go to Freud's and have a bit of an NSEP night out. Louis, Andreas, Brittany, Cody, Sophie, Gabby (and their boyfriends) all met us there and it was good to have a night out with everyone.
Saturday was more work and then lunch with Tom. I thought we were meeting up for him to hand off a book that he offered to lend me for my beach trip, but he'd also baked me cookies as a thank you for my notes/summaries during exam revision time. Sharing notes was not a big deal to me since Tom stayed SO busy with rowing, but it was nice to know how much the notes were appreciated. Plus, he checked with Brittany for dietary needs and the cookies were 1. delicious and 2. reasonably low fat so I could really gorge myself on them.
Sunday it was more rest and a bit of reading and then Monday was more work and Ole's goodbye dinner. Almost all of NSEP (22 people) ate at a really delicious Lebanese place called Al-Shami. The food and company was wonderful and afterwards we went to GTC and then to St Antony's to talk and play games. Things finally broke up around 3AM as we all hugged Ole goodbye. It's been really sad to see people start to leave... Oxford won't be the same without them next year.
Alex and me at Al-Shami for the goodbye dinner
The rest of the week was a blur. Wednesday I had a meeting with Kersty to get approval to change dissertation topics and supervisors. Thankfully that went well, so I'm now working with Dr. Jamie Lorimer on animal geography. Although I'll no longer get to use horses as my research subjects, I still think I made the right choice. My previous project was more using horses as a lens to study business contracts and importation legislation, and this project will have me actually getting to do more with animals. On Thursday I met with Jamie to start narrowing down my topic and so far, my project will be something along the lines of an ethnographic study of lab animal cognition research. The broad aim with be to explore what shapes animal cognition research, how understandings of cognition are constructed, and what this tells us about the place of animals in some dimensions of Western thought and practice. Jamie and I share some enthusiasm for octopi as a possible focus for the project, since they are a very intelligent species, but one that many people still don't think of that way because their intelligence, their bodies, and their habitats are so different from our own.
Hertford College- this is where Jamie's office is located.
That's still a broad topic and I feel a bit behind because everyone else is preparing to do fieldwork over the summer and I'm still doing background reading and trying to nail down an exact research question, but I still feel like this is the best decision I could have made for myself. For awhile, I was seriously doubting my desire to continue into academia, but during the exam revision process and studying, I came to see again that I can't really imagine doing much except for academia... so I should probably pick a project that can point me further in the direction that I want to go.
Friday Dennis had a focus group/scenario planning meeting to help him with his dissertation, so I went to that in the afternoon and then Dennis and I went to the Rose and Crown for dinner and drinks and just to catch up since I havent seen much of him since before exams. Afterwards, we decided we should go to Freud's and have a bit of an NSEP night out. Louis, Andreas, Brittany, Cody, Sophie, Gabby (and their boyfriends) all met us there and it was good to have a night out with everyone.
Saturday was more work and then lunch with Tom. I thought we were meeting up for him to hand off a book that he offered to lend me for my beach trip, but he'd also baked me cookies as a thank you for my notes/summaries during exam revision time. Sharing notes was not a big deal to me since Tom stayed SO busy with rowing, but it was nice to know how much the notes were appreciated. Plus, he checked with Brittany for dietary needs and the cookies were 1. delicious and 2. reasonably low fat so I could really gorge myself on them.
Sunday was lots of laundry and packing and then Brittany and I left for Crete- another blog post coming on that trip soon!
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