Ordinary Affects: The lived experience of weeks 6-7 and remembering New Grandma

I can't believe it's already been almost three weeks since I've written!  It doesn't seem like so long, but it's easy to fall behind.

I think I last posted on a Thursday.  The next day, I was super productive in terms of school work.  I did tons of reading, some writing, and also did a good deal of planning and research for my trip to Porto, and even took a nice walk.  In the afternoon, I was sitting with Katherine and mentioned that I was in the mood to do something cultural that evening... maybe a play or a concert or an art show.  Katherine agreed and a bit of research turned up a few options... our favorite of which was Shrek the Musical.  I'm not sure it really counts as cultural, but we both thought it sounded like fun and tickets weren't too expensive, so we went.  The show is off the West End (London's version of Broadway) and so we expected it to be pretty good... but it was pretty terrible.  The songs were a bit generic and the singing was pretty unimpressive.  Still, Katherine and I had a good time and I'm glad I saw it.

After the musical, Katherine headed off to meet some latin dance friends for drinks, but I was tired and hadn't had dinner yet, so I headed home.  I cooked for Louis and myself- and made fried halloumi, sauteed veggies, and a chickpea and tomato salad that turned out surprisingly well.  We watched a bit of Modern Family together and then I headed to bed.

Saturday was a quiet day.  I spent my morning chatting with roommates and drinking tea.  Katherine and Louis and I managed to make an absolutely delicious lunch and just spent the afternoon reading and trying to get work done.

Sunday I did a bit of reading and then went into town to see the Book of Life.  The Book of Life is an animated movie that was produced by Guillermo del Torro, who also directed one of my favorite movies, Pan's Labyrinth.  He plays a great deal with a mix of fantasy/fairy tales and horror.  The book of life was less of the horror, but still contained some elements of death and the afterworld.  The movie focuses on the story of two young boys who are best friends, but also both fighting for the heart of a girl in their town.  In the story, the guardians of the Land of the Remembered and the Land of the Forgotten place a bet on which boy will win her heart, and the guardian who wins will control both realms of the afterlife.  It's a cute movie, but I think the music was a bit commercialized and it didn't embrace as much true Mexican culture as it had the potential to do.  But the visuals were incredible and I've never seen an animated movie quite in that style.

After the movie Katherine and I headed to get lunch at the Modern Art Museum and then Katherine headed home while I ran some errands around town.  The evening, I did more Porto planning and then watched a few episodes of Modern Family with Louis.

Monday and Tuesday were mostly Thanksgiving planning.  Brittany and I hosted an NSEP Thanksgiving last year and wanted to repeat it this year.  Everyone had plans on actual Thanksgiving though (races, football games, travel, etc) and so we were hosting exactly a week early.  We had about 28 people RSVP so Monday and Tuesday were full of things like grocery lists, grocery orders, planning the layout of the house to figure out where to serve, where to set things up, buying a few extra pots and pans and plates, etc.

Tuesday night I also got to skype with Patrick and Clarke, two of my best friends (also two of my first friends) from Penn.  I don't talk to either of them often enough, though admittedly, Patrick more than Clarke, and it's crazy that it's been so long.  Patrick is now in med school and Clarke is working and also getting MARRIED in February.  Thankfully, I'll be seeing them soon.  The wedding will, of course, be a reunion, but Patrick and I are also planning a FL Keys trip for New Years Eve and trying to convince Clarke and Mimi (his fiance) that sun and sand trump snow and skiing any day.

Wednesday I had class and then headed home and Thanksgiving prep began! Wednesday was all about appetizers and desserts.  Brittany has already made salsa and started soaking the beans for bean dip by the time I was home, but there was still plenty to do.  Brittany, Merry, Todd and I all worked on various things prepping things like dips and deviled eggs and apple cake and buckeyes.

 Buckeye making party!

We were super excited about these

Todd's idea and dessert!

Post actual buckeyes we just ate all the leftover peanut butter and chocolate...

Thursday was kicked off with a house circuits work out, which was actually hilarious and a blast.  Then, the prepping started.  We were peeling and chopping and seasoning and cooking all day.  Literally all day.  Everyone who was home helped and it was a really fun day.  While Brittany and I somewhat directed, everyone was a huge help, including making the required 3 (or was it 4?) last minute run to the store.  For awhile, it was just me, Brit and Todd in the kitchen, and 90s music was blasting and there was singing and dancing and pretty much wonderfulness.

The chefs!

Katherine- peeling away

Brittany and Todd prepping the mashed potatoes

Prepping carrots for the stuffing

Finally, around 6:00pm Brittany and I both rushed to shower and change, and before we knew it, people were arriving.  I wish I'd gotten photos of the whole crowd, but I was so tired and full from sampling and tasting as we cooked all day, that I wasn't really very with it.  Still, it was such a nice evening of food and fellowship and I am so grateful that so many people could make it.  As I've expressed in past posts, this year in Oxford has been a bit of an adjustment, and to be reminded just how many wonderful people there still are in Oxford was really great.  Also, an added shout-out to Andreas, Alex, and Juliana for contributing pies to the feast!

Showered, changed, and putting the finishing touches on dinner

Part of the spread of food!

Getting ready to serve!

A few of my absolute favorites.  Not sure what I'd do without these three.

Roomie love.

The night ended with extreme pictionary and cards against humanity

After a fun night Thursday, on Friday I was exhausted.  I'd been on my feet and running around for about 14-16 hours the day before and I just wanted to lounge.  Unfortunately, I had a doctor's appointment that morning to renew a prescription.  It was cold, and in typical fashion, it started pouring around the time I left the house.  Still, it was an easy cycle into town and the appointment was quick and easy.  Once home, I think I may have done a tiny bit of work, but I think I mostly lazed and napped.

Saturday brittany and I headed over to return some pots and pans to Juliana's.  Then, Brittany needed to head to a soccer match, but I stayed for tea and pie and chatting.  I stayed way longer than intended, several hours, but Juliana is someone I really enjoy talking to and don't see enough of.  After leaving Juliana's I ran a few errands, and then returned to find that my clay and other crafting supplies had arrived!  I had been dying to make little marbled clay ring dishes, and now that I had the supplies, I wasted no time in getting started.  I had so much fun, and had forgotten how nice it is to be a bit creative and do some work with my hands that isn't typing or writing or highlighting.

Sunday was another day of work.  I need to have a solid draft of my literature review for my dissertation done by Christmas, and I also have a paper due in reconciliation ecology around the same time, and also a shorter literature review for reconciliation ecology due before that, so it's just been lots of reading and some writing.  That evening, Brittany and I decided to do circuits.  We were halfway through some sit ups when Brittany froze, turned to me, and asked: "Do you see it?"  I didn't, but I immediately knew that the only thing she could mean was a giant house spider... so I leapt up and ran to find the largest tupperware possible.  After gathering supplies I got a good look at it, and it was a BABY... it was way smaller than most, but still had the same shape and markings... and when we tried to capture it... it SQUEAKED.  Call me crazy, but that thing made a noise.  We (ok, Brittany) caught it, and we threw it, container and all, into the front yard.

A blurry photo of the baby house spider...

After the spider incident, or more during, Merry had been making dinner for the house (spaghetti squash, homemade marinara sauce, and salad) and after a delicious dinner, Brittany and I decided to do more crafting and also make face masks... we asked if Louis wanted to join and were surprised when he said yes.  So, we made a honey/lemon/cinnamon/green tea mask and then spent the evenint making more dishes.

Monday was a great day.  It was also freezing.  Literally freezing.  It didn't get above 32 until late afternoon.  Brittany and I spent the morning repeatedly turning our heat back on (it's set to be on certain hours and then cut off but we were overriding that) and crafting.  We've really gone bowl making crazy.  After crafting, we headed into town to do some Christmas shopping.  As cold as it was, it made it feel that much more like Christmas, and I managed to get several really great presents.  Brittany and I also ate at a great little deli and managed to find the cutest store ever, which all sorts of amazing kitchen and desk stuff and I'm super glad I just now found it or last year I would have been completely broke.

Tuesday was another day of working and reading, along with mapping out my time in Porto and then that evening I ran some errands, printed my tickets, checked my mail in town (at St. Antony's rather than my house) and just took care of little things like that.  There was also a last bit of crafting... no surprise there.

Bowls of all shapes, sizes and colors

Wednesday was a busy day.  I was finishing up work, trying to get packed (surprisingly hard considering that I wanted to bring tons of work and amy laptop and a variety of clothes since the temps were going to range from 50-70 degrees and I was flying easyjet so a small backpack was all I could bring!)  Once I got packed, I cycled into town to hear a talk by Mike Mack, the CEO of Syngenta.  Now, I think a lot of you know what respect I have to agriculture and farming, but I also think that environmentally, socially, and politically, it poses lots of challenges and that there is lots of room for improvement.  I really hate that being against Syngenta and Monsanto somehow makes me against farmers in the minds of so many people.  I went to the talk because while I do NOT like what Syngenta does, I also recognize a need to work with big agribusiness companies because I don't think they are going away AND because I think that to gain more nuance to my own arguments against these companies requires me to listen to what they have to say and engage with it.

When I got there, I ran into Saher, who lived with us for a few weeks in September, and it was great to see her and catch up a bit.  The talk itself was lots of PR and not overly informative, but there were a few gems tucked away in the things that Mr. Mack was saying and it was valuable to hear about syngenta's goals for the future.  I'd say that my main criticism would be that he failed to acknowledge or concede that lots of the chemicals they use for fertilizers, pesticides and herbicides are environmentally unfriendly and contributing to climate change... in fact, he tried to say that he didn't feel that there was very much evidence of this.  He did acknowledge that his company does not really engage much with the food system and solving feeding people not by producing more but by wasting less and working on more access and better distribution of food.  While he made a good point that Syngenta doesn't work on this because they focus on the production side and while they acknowledge that a great deal of hunger is not really a production problem, that they are working on the area that they can.... I also think the attitude is largely the root of the problem when it comes to food- that is, the idea that production, distribution, access and waste are not interlinked and we can focus on one to address feeding the world, but exclude the others.  

After the lecture, I hung around because I wanted to press Mike Mack on a few issues.  Whenever people brought up the health, safety, or environmental issues of Syngenta's products, he would simply point out that everything they produced had been approved where they were selling it and that if we had a problem with the products, what we really had was an even larger problem of not trusting our government regulators to keep us/our environment safe.  I pulled him aside afterwards and asked him which regulators do we trust?  Syngenta trusts whichever one rules in each particular place... but that means that they sell a product in some places that is not approved, or even banned in others.  I brought up the case of atrazine, which I pointed out has been banned in the EU for 10 years now but is still commonly used in the US.  I didn't get far with that example, because Mr. Mack pointed out that technically, atrazine wasn't banned in the EU, rather, but rather, is no longer registered (and excluded from re-registration) because they have been unable to demonstrate that if used, atrazine could be kept out of groundwater and found at low enough levers to meet EU environmental standards.  Mr. Mack did correctly point out that the EU now uses a chemically similar herbicide, terbuthylazine.  To be fair, this is a technically correct answer, though I think it misses the larger points: 1. that even if not banned atrazine still does not break down and is found in high levels in groundwater where used (for which there IS evidence, and multiple controversies surrounding this issue) that is could negatively impact humans and definitely negatively impacts amphibians.  And 2. it misses what my question was really getting at:  why is syngenta not meeting the highest possible standards across the board.... bascially if he is telling us to "trust our regulators," then why is Syngenta trusting the lowest level of regulation in each place.

I re-phrased and asked again, and Mr. Mack was able to give an example of a case in which a government said a product was safe but they felt that it was not and chose not to sell it.... however, the example he gave was something that China feels is safe to sell in gel form and they think the gel s much harder to apply than liquid and more likely to come in contact with human skin so they refuse to sell the gel and therefore have opted out of the Chinese market... not exactly the example I was hoping for since, to be honest, Chinese environmental and health standards aren't exacting exemplary.

After I felt like I'd exhausted the question, I cycled home at breakneck speed and got changed into more formal clothes for a formal dinner at St. Hilda's.  Cody had invited me and Lizzie along, and while I don't see either one of them nearly enough, it made for a super fun evening.  St. Hilda's was an all girl's college at Oxford and the feel/architecture/decoration is very different than at some of the more traditional colleges.  The dinner started with champagne, and also included a roasted veggie salad, some sort of vegetarian curry, and an amazing dessert- sort of a caramel cake type thing.  Conversation ranged from research, to families, to the all time best youtube videos and it was great to spend time with both Cody and Lizzie- I need to get better about seeing them on a regular basis.  

Me, Cody, and Lizzie: a few lovely MPhil ladies

On my way home I texted Mom because I hadn't gotten an update about Grandma all day, and on a weekday, that's unusual.  Mom replied that I should skype her when I got home, and I immediately knew.  It was a whole mix of emotions, and talking to Mom once I was home made it even more mixed.  On the one hand: it was time.  Grandma wanted it to be time and from what I've been hearing, she was suffering a good deal these past few months.  I'm glad she's at peace, and I'm glad that she's no longer in pain.  But it's still sad.  It's sad that she'll never meet whoever I marry, or see my kids, her great grandkids, and it's even sadder that Mom lost her mom, because mom's are amazing and I can't imagine being without mine.  I cried some, and hugged my roommates, and laid in bed remembering all sorts of things that I didn't remember forgetting... like chicken foot and the okra patch and the time that stupid rubber rat showed up in the composting bin that grandma and granddad were given as a gift.  I remembered teacakes and trash and those frozen yogurty fruit cup things.  I remember Christmas mornings and afternoons in the camper and Grandma assuring me that no, they did not want to play another round of "memory" because they were over 80 and their memories just weren't that good... but of course playing anyway.

Grandma at age 18 and me, also age 18, in one of her dresses

For those interested, here is her obituary:

Carlene Clapham Cotton
With sadness, but with the fondness of many loving memories, the descendants of Paul and Carlene Cotton announce the passing of Carlene Cotton on November 26, 2014 in Durham, North Carolina, at the age of 95. Carlene, born to Carlos and Mattie Teer Clapham and raised in Lyon, Mississippi, lived most of her life there. She had the greatest good fortune to have been married to and partner of Paul Cotton for seventy years.

Carlene lived a life of servant leadership. She was a source of strength and optimism to all who knew and loved her. She possessed the ability to inspire, work with, and accomplish family and community tasks with and through other people. Young and old sought her counsel and she mentored and assisted many through difficult life challenges. She was a housewife and partner extraordinaire, raising a family, leading Girl Scout and Cub Scout units, organizing community, church and public school activities, and serving as a founding member and pillar of her Lyon Methodist Church. She served many years as Assistant Post Mistress of the Lyon US Post Office. Carlene loved quietly and quite fiercely when the welfare of her loved ones was as risk. When Paul barely survived a massive heart attack at age 42, Carlene was overheard asking him as they drove home from the hospital if he remembered the taste of the cigarette he had smoked just before the attack. When he replied yes, she said, “Good, you hang onto that memory because that is the last one you are ever going to smoke.” Compliance was the best option when dealing with Carlene, so he stopped cold a twenty-year habit and, never smoking again, lived a full and active life to age 91.

Carlene loved to fish. Her knowledge of fishing served her in good stead when, as a new graduate of the Clarksdale High School Class of 1937, she interviewed for a secretarial job with Mr. R. D. Peay, a Clarksdale realtor. To the surprise of all applying, the interview included baiting hooks with a minnow, a cricket, and a worm. Carlene won the job, and for the duration of her time in the job spent Wednesday afternoons taking the elderly Mr. Peay fishing.

Late in life, Carlene and Paul relocated to Wharton, Texas, to be near their son Carlos and his wife, Carolyn. There she attended Wharton Methodist Church and was a member of the knitting group providing prayer shawls to the community. After Paul’s passing Carlene relocated to Croasdaile Village Retirement Community in Durham. There she served on numerous committees and crocheted many preemie baby caps for Duke Hospital newborns.

Carlene’s and her husband Paul’s legacy lives on in the lives they enriched and in their children, who carry them in their hearts and values. Descendants and family who carry Carlene’s and Paul’s ethos into the future include children w/spouses - Norris Cotton and companion Tracy Mancini, Carlos Cotton and wife Carolyn, Paula Vaughn and husband Dan; sibling - brother Curtis Clapham and his wife Carol; grandchildren w/spouses - Alicia Butler and husband Ryan, Blake Cotton, Reverend Seth Cotton and wife Ann, Doctor Taylor Cotton and wife Ann, Doctor Travis Cotton and wife/Doctor Jacquelyn, Sarah Vaughn and Andie Vaughn; great grandchildren - Jackson, Gates, and Finn Butler, Carter Cotton, and Caroline Cotton; nieces - Elizabeth Clapham with daughter Zoe and Jennifer Clapham with sons Riley and Carlos Appel; grandniece – Penny Jones and husband Jeff; great grandnephews - Justin and Joshua Jones. 

Near the time of her passing, Carlene uttered “Gotta make straight.” When asked what needed to be made straight she replied, “What’s crooked.” Carlene lived a life of community and family service by “making straight” life problems. As John Stennis, the late Mississippi Senator of her time, would have said, she “plowed a straight furrow down to the end of her row.” Her community, friends, and family will be less for her absence, but she will live on far into the future through the lives of the many people she touched. Emily Dickinson: “If I go while you are still here, know that I live on … just whisper my name in your heart. I’ll be there.”

Visitation at the Meredith Nowell Funeral Home 5:00-7:00 PM Saturday, December 13th. Graveside services Sunday afternoon, December 14th at Coahoma County Memorial Gardens.

Memorials may be made to the Lyon Methodist Church.

I had a hard time falling asleep that night, but I finally made myself, because at 4:45AM the next morning I had a cab picking me up to take me to the bus station so I could get a bus to the airport to fly to Porto... but I'll make that a separate post.

Reassembling the social (an NSEP reunion)

Since I last wrote, I've been busy in the best possible way.

Last Thursday night after I blogged I headed to the Turf Tavern (reminder, Bill Clinton did not inhale) and met up with Juliana (another MPhil NSEPer) and some of this year's NSEP class.  I really like the new cohort of NSEPers.  They are smart, and engaging, and funny and friendly and interesting and I'd expect nothing less from NSEPers but it was nice to meet new people and get out a bit.

Friday I slept in and then got up.  The weather was miserable but I managed to fit in a long run, complete with sideways rain.  Still, I actually like running in the rain and it felt good to get out and move a bit.  After that, I did a bit of cleaning since we had so many people staying with us over the weekend and also did a bit of hand washing clothes since our washing machine had been broken for over two weeks and I was running out of things to wear.  From there, I headed to meet up with Ole (an NSEPer from last year), his fiance Tina, his mom, his aunt, and his three kids.  We met up at the Natural History Museum because I'd offered to babysit the kids so that all of his relatives could attend his graduation and he wanted me to meet the kids beforehand.  The oldest daughter is 12 and speaks and understands English (a huge help) and the younger 2 were 7 and 5 and spoke no english but were super cute.  After they both approved me as a babysitter, I promised them lots of stickers, coloring and play dough and then I headed home.

That evening I made the play dough (purple, green, and red, as promised!) and then headed to Freud to reunion with lots of NSEP.  It was so, so good to see everyone.  It felt pretty much just like old times, hanging out in Freud drinking cocktails, being the only ones dancing, and just catching up with good conversation.  After awhile, people started to head off- tired from travel and wanting time with family that was also in town.  Finally, the group of us left decided to go to Wahoo! to go dancing.  It was me, Andreas, Andreas' sister Kristen, Dennis, Rob, and Rob's brother James.  James decided not to come in with us but the rest of us danced and had a great time.  Andreas and Kristen and I headed home before closing, which was a good decision since Andreas' graduation was the next morning.

Sadly, the only picture I took with an NSEPer all weekend... though he IS one of my favorites :) 

Saturday I slept in a bit and then got up to go for a run... unfortunately, I've been having some issues with my calves and the shooting pains in them indicated that I probably should skip the day's run.  Instead, I did a bit more cleaning and then cycled in to meet up with Ole and his family to watch the kids.  It started pouring on my cycle in and I got absolutely drenched.  I took the kids to the department and it was actually really fun to sit in a place where I would normally discuss Latour or Haraway and draw pictures and play with play dough.  Despite not speaking the same language, I had a blast with the kids- they are super creative and fun and I think that I was a pretty good babysitter for the afternoon.  When Ole's ceremony was over, I took them to meet up with him outside the Sheldonian, and then I met up with Dennis to take him and his things back to the house.  I was still damp and freezing so as soon as I got home I took an amazing, hot shower and finally got warm.  Then I relaxed for a bit, made dinner, and headed to the Kings Arms to start the evening.

NSEP practically had an entire room to ourselves at the Kings Arms and I think almost everyone from NSEP who was in town for graduation came.  It was a wonderful reunion.  We all sat around and talked and laughed and after awhile we decided to head to the Keble BOP since Lisa L and Rob were there with their college friends.  Brittany, Todd and I headed there a bit after everyone else, but we still got in some excellent dancing to some rather bizarre song choices and it felt good to be out dancing with our entire group again.  From there, a bunch of us headed out to go clubbing, after a few failed attempts (really just expensive covers) we decided to go to Maxwells.  We stayed and danced for a bit and then it was time for falafel and chips and to head back to ours with everyone for an after party.

The after party was pretty much just like old times.  There was Louis' selection of music, snacking, a bit of dancings, cards against humanity.  It felt weird only because it didn't feel weird at all... it was like no one had ever left and it was just another night out together.  Around 5:30AM we finally called it a night/morning and headed to bed.  Sunday I slept in until nearly noon and then it was just saying goodbyes to people and cleaning up.  I walked into town with Rob to get my bike and see him off and then meet up with Andreas (which actually never happened b/c he was with a family friend and that ran long) but I biked home and then that night made a huge pot of red lentil stew for everyone (including Cato who was staying with us in Oxford a bit longer!)

Monday was trying to play catch up on rest and work and just get my life in order.  I had a mostly quiet day, though I did a 7 mile workout which felt surprisingly easy compared to what I expected it to be and my calves actually felt pretty good.  When I got home from my run I spent extra time stretching and rolling my calves out while chatting with Katherine and Cato.  That night, I ordered take out from my favorite Malaysian place and it was delicious.  I finally got some sleep Monday night and it was glorious.

Tuesday I worked pretty much all day.  I had a lot of reading to do and also a paper due in class the following day so I worked most of the day on that.  Then I did a yoga session since my calves seem to be acting up again and I thought it would do my some good to stretch them out.  That night, Alex, Juliana, Katherine, Cato and I all cooked together.  We made a curried, squash soup that turned out amazingly (acorn squash and pumpkin with curry and coconut milk), a salad with tahini dressing, and crispy roasted potatoes with a dutch whiskey dipping sauce that Cato made for us.  There was also plenty of wine, tea, and even chocolate.  It was such a good night- even though I had a blast partying Thursday-Saturday, it was good to have a night in with the girls (mostly ones who live in Oxford full time with the exception of Cato) and to feel like we had an amazing night laughing and goofing off.  I definitely have needed more of that this year.

Wednesday I woke up super early and headed into town to print my essay and get to class.  About two minutes in to my cycle the bottom fell out and it poured.  I was soaked.  One of these days I will learn that I live in England and that I always need to be prepared to cycle in the rain.  One day... Anyway, class was good- the focus of the lecture was on invasive species and reconceptualizing novel ecosystems.  It was interesting and I really am liking the class.  I got the paper turned in and then headed to meet up with Cato, Michael, and Juliana for a coffee.  We sat around and all talked and then I said my goodbyes to Cato and Michael since they were both flying out that afternoon.

From there, I headed home, had lunch, did a bit of reading, and then tried to go for a run.  I thought that my calves were doing better, and for the first quarter mile or so they are always tight but normally loosen up, this time, they didn't.  After about a mile and a half, I decided to pause, stretch, walk around a bit and see if I couldn't loosen them up.  It seemed to work, and I turned for home thinking I could run the return route and still have gotten in a 3 mile run.... only about a quarter of a mile later, they seized up really, really badly and I had to stop.  I started limping/waddling home, trying not to use, contract, or stretch my calf muscles at all, and grimacing all the while when I heard Katherine's voice say "Sazzy?"  She was waiting on the bus and very concerned/amused by my limping along.  I stopped to chat and then continued my peg leg trek back home.

When I got home, Todd got my the rollers and Brittany made some suggestions to help and I also iced my calves... hopefully they will stop doing this soon.  After that I had a nice, long skype with mom, a shower, and then I headed into town to meet up with my reconciliation ecology professor (Maan) and the rest of the class for drinks at the Somerville College bar.  We all sat and talked and it was really nice to get to know people from some of the other courses in the department (most BCM which is biodiversity conservation management) as well as the professor.  Most of the class stayed for one drink, but I was still finishing my cider and in the middle of a great conversation, so I stayed, as did the other NSEPer there (from this year's cohort) and Maan (the professor).  We all had a few more drinks and when the bar closed, we were talking about time and scale and relativity and decided that we should continue talking in the senior common room.  We had tea, followed by sherry (a terrible idea- that stuff is disgusting) and finally ended the night around 2AM.  I took a cab home since it was so late and then crashed.

Today has been a quiet day.  I've pretty much done nothing productive beyond laundry and booking a trip to Oporto, Portugal.  I've always wanted to see Portugal and somehow, I have just never made it... now's my chance.  It's not going to get cheaper and I'm not going to have more free time than I have right now, so I might as well go :)

Hope everyone else has had just as fun over the past week as I did!

Independent research and grad school life

Last week I hit the ground running as soon as I got back to Oxford... but that didn't really last long. Thursday I woke up super jet lagged and since I felt reasonably on top of everything, I took the day to do nothing.  Literally nothing.  I journaled a bit.  I binge watched Gilmore Girls.  I drank tea and ate chocolate and essentially spent the entire day being a lazy bum and it was fantastic.  I mean really fantastic in a way that I can't even communicate via this blog.

Friday I figured I should maybe be a bit more productive.  I took a 5 mile run (I'm ridiculously slow, but at least I am building up my stamina), I read lots of Donna Haraway (When Species Meet was what I was reading, though I still really need to read The Companion Species Manifesto as well), and I also did a bit of writing and ran to the store with Katherine.  That evening I helped bake a peach cobbler with Todd to surprise Brittany with that night (Saturday was her birthday but a group of friends was going to surprise her after her bartending shift on Friday night).

I always see things to stop and take pictures of on my run... these sheep live in a field across from our house!

This is a little lane right down the street from our house- so pretty!

On the way to the store with Katherine, the little ladybug decided to decorate her hair clip.

Friday was also Halloween and during the baking of the peach cobbler, we had trick-or-treaters.  We hadn't anticipated any- Halloween isn't quite as big here and we live in this tiny old village, but we had one group... and no candy.  We were all rooting around and looking for things to give them to no avail.  We finally just had to apologize and send them on their way, which I think makes us poor cultural representations of how Americans generally celebrate Halloween.

Also while baking peach cobbler, Andreas arrived!  He came to celebrate Brittany's birthday- but since we were surprising her later than night, he came to hang out first.  Finally, we all headed into town (with our peach cobbler) to meet up with friends outside the college bar where Brittany bar-tends and then were going to walk in singing with her cake.... only when we got there, two of our friends were there already and had been kicked out.  The Porter (a porter is a person on duty who takes care of pretty much everything from security and lost keys to sign up sheets and providing air pumps for flat tires at each college)- anyway, the porter had gotten really mad that they were trying to "sneak into the college" (they tried to just walk in behind a member of the college) and the porter kicked them out.  We tried to reason with him- we were all sober and carrying a cake (okay, cobbler, but with candles!) and we even had a member of her college come vouch for us... to no avail.  He threatened to call security on us and was really mean, so we obnoxiously hovered outside the college door and waved at him every time some one came in or out.  Mature, I know, but he completely ruined our surprise and very much overreacted (I understand not wanting people to sneak in but I feel like after explaining the situation AND having someone from inside the college come to vouch for us he was being a little ridiculous).

Anyway, Brittany finally finished work and came out and we sang, and then we headed to a pub since we werent allowed in St. Cross College even with Brittany b/c we'd made the guy so mad (might have been the waving? hah.)  We went to the Royal Oak and sat outside in their heated patio area and ate cobbler (the bar was so nice about letting us bring it in and even supplied us with plates and forks!) and each had a drink and then we headed home... i even made my first (but definitely not last) stop of the year at a kebab van for falafel and chips.  So good.  Then it was home, and bed.

Saturday I got up, took a run, ran some errands in town and then started prepping for Brittany's actual birthday celebration that night.  Merry (one of my roommates who also runs cross country with Brittany) had invited some cross country girls over to celebrate and then me, Katherine, Todd and of course Merry were all there too.  We each made something- and the cross country girls all brought something too and we had a feast: a delicious curry pumpkin soup, a green salad, a cabbage salad with quinoa and sunflower seeds, grapes, chips and hummus, a tahini and onion dip, a pasta dish, and an apple crumb cake for dessert (which I will be making again because it was absolutely amazing).   We ate a delicious dinner and then played extreme pictionary and cards against humanity and just had a nice evening in playing games and relaxing.

Sunday morning I woke up, read a bit, and then headed off to London to hang out with Andreas for the day.  He's working there for the UK Civil Service and even though he's come to visit me/others in Oxford several times, I've yet to go see his new place in London.  Being the klutz that I am, I managed to stand up extremely quickly when trying to get off the bus at Victoria Station to meet up with him and crack my head.  I mean hard.  Hard enough that I saw stars/everything went black and I had to sit back down.  I soon developed a huge knot on my head and was dizzy with a headache the rest of the day, but seeing as how it was the stupidest way to hurt myself ever, I wasn't going to let it ruin my day.

Andreas and I met up at Victoria Station and stopped into a store to pick up some food for lunch.  We got veggies to roast, haloumi cheese to grill up, and a fresh baguette and then headed back to his place to prepare food.  Lunch was amazing and I love Andreas' apartment.  It isn't quite as big as my place in Praha (the kitchen and living areas are smaller) but the general style, and the 2 bedroom 2 bathroom (rare here!) and just modern finishes were SO nice.  I love where I live this year, but despite being only 10 years old, we have a spider infestation, our roof leaks, our hot water broke, etc etc and Andreas' place is just so.... clean, and new and wonderful.  It feels so homey and nice and not at all drafty.  We also got to see fireworks over the Thames from his apartment window.  And we watched several episodes of Gilmore Girls before baking a buttermilk pie.  No one here has ever even HEARD of buttermilk pie but I am happy to say that it was a huge hit.  After pie baking and eating, it was time to head back to Oxford.

Monday was a quiet day.  I did a six mile run and then just worked on my dissertation as well as reading for pleasure a bit and listening to some music.  I don't think other than my run I even left the house, which seems to be a bad habit on days that i don't have anything concrete to do... but I DID run six miles and I saw some gorgeous things in our neighborhood, so I'm okay with that.  I also got this wild idea that I want to fly to Portugal in the next few weeks.  The weather is still pretty nice there and I've always wanted to go and it's not the peak season so everything is really cheap and it just seems... ideal.  But I also worry about things going on back home and so I did all the research but am waiting to book things until a bit closer to.

More scenes from various runs- the horses is a field not far from our house

More scenes from various runs- cycle and running path in the park in Old Marston

More scenes from various runs- little church in our neighborhood

More scenes from various runs- Pond's Lane- one of my favorite streets in Old Marston

Tuesday I did more reading/writing.  it was cold and pouring rain so I was happy to have things to read and write at the house, but then I started to go a bit stir crazy.  I decided I would cycle into town and hang out a bit.  I met up with Katherine and we tried to go boot shopping for me but everything was either crazy expensive or they didnt carry my size.  Still, it was nice to just be out and about in Oxford.  After striking out on boots, we went and got tea and just relaxed and caught up.  It's nice to still have close friends in Oxford and I am extremely grateful for Katherine's perceptiveness and company.  After tea, Katherine had a birthday dinner to get to, so I headed to the store to pick up a few groceries and then cycled home.  It was cold.  Really cold.  And then it started raining.  It was NOT a fun cycle home.  Still, once I got home, it was so nice to fix a cup of tea and a nice dinner and get warm.  The one thing I really wish our house had is a fireplace.  I feel like curling up in front of it would just be perfection.  Something to put on the wish list for the home I will never be able to rent/buy/afford because my student loans will have me living in a box from now until eternity.

Wednesday morning I had class.  It was good, though I didn't enjoy the lecture topic/focus quite as much this week, I still thought it was a good lecture and I really like the lecturer (he invited our class to have drinks with him next week which I always feel like is a good sign and means the professor really wants to get to know us and is invested in talking with us about our own interests and how those might relate to the class).  I also talked a bit with some of this year's first year NSEPers and it was fun to meet "the next generation" and see their cohort forming.

After class I needed to get some work done (that is pretty much the story of my life/being a grad student) and so I headed to the new Weston Library (previous called the New Bodleian) which has been under construction since I very first moved to Oxford in Oct. of 2013.  It houses a good many rare manuscripts and books, so you have to store your backpack, pens, highlighters, etc in a locker and put all your books/computer/charger in a clear, plastic tote bag before entering AND scan in with your university id and then show it again to a guard who records all your information before you enter.  That's probably good overall, but i was reading my own books and missed my pen and highlighter.  Still, the views were absolutely worth it.  The library is positioned perfectly across from the Sheldonian Theatre and you can also see the Radcam and several other gorgeous buildings.  It's so pretty!  It's moments like sitting in there that sometimes I still can't believe that I am here, at Oxford, as a "scholar" of some sort... the whole thing just seems ludicrous... and yet, it is also in those moments that I feel the most like "an oxford student" with my books and studying in this gorgeous library with rare manuscripts.

Despite being beautiful, the library was cold, and after a few hours, I decided that food and warmth were called for.  I grabbed take-away lunch from my favorite spot in oxford and then cycled home to get warm and eat.  That afternoon it was just more work and then I took a run and then back to reading and writing.

Moon rising as I finished my Wednesday evening run

Wednesday night I spent time checking out the election results from the U.S. (I'd glanced at the GA ones that morning but hadn't really looked at anything overall) and I have to say I am sad.  I will not claim foul play or conspiracy or blame anyone for gas prices or even compare anyone to the devil, or hitler, or claim that they are out to destroy our country.  As much as I disagree with many of the people who were elected, I believe that they likely believe in what they are doing (I DO think that some politicians,  in both parties, are corrupt but I also think that many politicians agree strongly with how they vote/what they stand for).  Still, while I will make none of those accusations, I am sad that things turned out the way they did.  As a woman, I am sad to have more people who would vote against my worth in terms of equal pay and access to medicine and proper care (such as contraceptives and paid maternity leave so that I can one day balance a job AND a family AND I can decide when to have that family).  I am sad that people were elected who are pro-life, especially those who are not pro-sex education, or pro welfare or SNAP (food stamps) or social programs and things that might actually improve life for those who struggle.  I am sad that many of my dear friends will face an even harder fight for the right not only to get married, but to visit their life partner in the hospital, or to have legal shared custody of kids they raised together should something terrible happen.  I am sad that I am looking at more shootings and less politicians agreeing that there needs to be gun management, licensing, and yes, control, in the same way our government controls who can drive a car, or drink alcohol, or even vote.  I do not want to start a political debate and I know many of my relatives and friends who read this will strongly disagree, and it may anger them... and that makes me sad, too.  As a feminist, as an LGBT ally, as a person, I am sad.  But I will trust in democracy.  I will trust that a system of checks and balances exist.  I will trust that although I see this as a step back for our country, that we will again move forward.

Today, I spent the morning reading and writing and then had a meeting with Jamie, my dissertation supervisor, to talk about my new topic (What Makes an Animal Edible?  The octopus: a case study) and I think it went.... decently.  I didn't have as much written as I had hoped to, and then I sent him the wrong paper and that was all a bit of a mess, but I was able to lay out a timeline and a vision for the project and i think it was clear from our conversation that I've really read a lot on the subject and am ready to keep moving forward, so that was all solid.

After my meeting I met up with Alex, another NSEPer from last year who is doing the MPhil, two year program.  We had a really nice time catching up and hearing about each others' summer and work and also just expressing some frustrations that we have with Oxford/being grad students/life at the moment.  She suggested that we start having "Wine and whine" sessions where we can all talk about how terrible our research is/the process is while drinking wine and catching up.  Personally, I am a big fan of the idea.

Since then, I've been sitting in the department writing this and reading a bit and then I am getting drinks with some of the new NSEPers and some of last year's NSEPers which should be fun.

This weekend is graduation for the people who did the one year version of NSEP and so many people will be in town.  I got to see Lisa F. briefly today and I know that so many people will be back (Andreas, Dennis, Rob, Liza L, Lisa F, Cato, Ole, Sophie, Gabrielle, Anna, Daniel, and possibly more) .  Friday night I think the plan is to reunion at Freud and then on Saturday we reserved a room in the Kings Arms for our group.  We're going to have a super full house all weekend, but especially Saturday night.  Merry is going to stay with a friend, but it will still be me, Brittany, Todd, Katherine, Louis, Louis' brother, Andreas, Andreas' sister, Cato, Dennis and Rob.  Should be a really fun time and make for one of our up all night after parties.

Still, this year feels different from last year- the work is much more independent and maybe a bit... lonely feeling.  There are people to work with, as in... sit beside and read/write, but no one who is doing the same topic or reading the same things and it feels a lot more independent and less like school and a bit more like a job.  Last year I was happy, excited even, to regularly stay out all night and it was like I didn't want to miss a moment of anything fun happening in Oxford, but this year is quieter, and while I am enjoying more regular sleep and a more structured schedule, I miss the camaraderie and the fun and the being able to do the same readings and discuss and engage and debate... there was always someone to talk through ideas with or to just complain about Latour with (who I think we all eventually came to love).

If I'm being honest, this year is a bit frustrating work wise, because I'm not entirely sure what I am working on (I have a topic but I think my advisor and I think very differently and every time I start writing it is very clearly not what he had in mind....).  I think I feel frustrated with that and frustrated by realizations that academia isn't for me and that I've poured all this time and money and effort into this and now feel a bit let down by my research.  That said, last year at Oxford was one of the best year's of my life, and I have no regrets coming here- it's been an amazing experience and I've made life long friends and I think that maybe I was expecting this year to be more like last year which just contributes to the feeling of disappointment and frustration.  I'm trying to keep in perspective that this is an amazing opportunity and I am working with some amazing scholars on some interesting topics, and I really am enjoying the one class I have to take this term, and for now, that's just going to have to be enough.

Summer and the start of being a second year MPhil

It's hard to believe that I haven't blogged in four full months.  They have been full of all sorts of surprises and adventures, both good and bad.

Once I was stateside, the summer kicked off with a trip to Napa, CA with Andie to tour wineries.  I got into the Cali a night early and got to visit with Perry, a friend from Penn, which was awesome. Life has scattered us all over the country, but it's nice to see people and feel like time and distance haven't changed anything at all.  After a wonderful dinner, Perry dropped me off at my super sketch hotel and the next morning I met Andie back at the airport, we picked up our super snazzy rental car, and away we went.

Super snazzy rental car

We drove to Napa and on our way into town, we stopped for lunch at Mustard's Grill which was amazing- the food was phenomenal.  From there, we headed to our tasting reservation at Frog's Leap Vineyard.  The wine there was good, but the atmosphere was perfect.  They do all organic and low water usage farming and also have bees, chickens, pygmy goats, and probably other things, too.  The tasting was held on the back porch of a farmhouse and the whole place was just beautiful.

Andie and me at Frog's Lease

View at Frog's Leap

View from the porch at Frog's Leap

The barn at Frog's Leap

More Frog's Leap

Cute weathervane at Frog's Leap

Fattest pygmy goat ever.

Frog's Leap vineyard

Mr. Rooster at Frog's Leap

From there, we went to check in at our bed and breakfast, the Candlelight Bed and Breakfast.  The place was amazing- seriously just gorgeous, with the friendliest, most outgoing host, and although I didn't know it at the time, the breakfast every morning was multiple courses and just incredible.  I can't say enough good things about this place.  After checking in and getting settled, we headed to dinner at Celadon, which was tasty.  

The next morning we headed to Napa Valley Bike Tours to pick up our rented bikes to cycle from wine tasting to wine tasting.  Andie hadn't ridden a bike in YEARS, but I cycle frequently in Oxford, so after a short gear changing and hand signaling lesson, we biked the 3.2 miles to Paraduxx.  It was pretty, but had a much more modern vibe than Frog's Leap and didn't feel as warm/family-ish/friendly.  The wine was good, though most of it was heavier reds which aren't really my thing, but Andie loved it.  That said, the views were beautiful and I really enjoyed the morning. 

Andie and me at Paraduxx

Paraduxx

View from Paraduxx

From there we biked another 3.5 or so miles to Peju.  The bike ride involved some roads without very good bike lanes, and then we had to get on the highway.  It thankfully had wide, nice bike lanes, but the tractor trailers going by were still a bit intimidating to me (I'm used to the double decker buses in England but they generally go slower) and I think they terrified Andie.  Still, we made it safely and in one piece.  The tasting experience at Peju was much more rushed than the others- they do tastings in groups at set times and just pour one wine at a time and you stand at their bar, down it, and they pour you the next one.  I didn't care for the experience nearly as much as getting to sit with cheese and crackers and relax with scenery, BUT they had a red and white blended wine that was delicious and it is actually the only bottle of anything that I bought in Cali, so that was a plus.  Also, Peju is really gorgeous, with huge flowers everything and really pretty buildings and flowers.

Bike ride to Peju

Andie at Peju

 Peju

Peju

From there we bike to La Luna, which is actually a little grocery store with a deli counter/sandwich place inside for lunch.  The food was so so good and the portions were enormous.  After lunch we debated doing another nearby winery, but we wanted to have time to get to Mumm, which was not biking distance, and also not have to drive after drinking more, so we decided just to cycle back and turn the bikes in... besides, I think Andie had had more than enough biking.  Once we returned the bikes we headed to Mumm, which is actually a champagne/sparkling wine place.  Since I love champagne, I thought this one was great, and although it was crowded, the views from their patio were worth it.

My 3 champagnes for the tasting

The view from the Mumm patio

After Mumm we did some relaxing and then had dinner at Morimotos- which was one of my favorite restaurants in Philly so I was so happy to get to try his place in Napa- just as amazing.  The next day, we headed to an amazing spa.  I got a massage and a body scrub and I think Andie got a massage and a facial.  It's the first time I'd ever been to a spa or gotten a massage and it was super relaxing.  After our treatments we hung out by the pool, ordered food from the restaurant next to the spa to eat by the pool, and just enjoyed the sunshine, though poor Andie got very burnt.  That evening, I flew home (well, I tried, I got stuck in Salt Lake City and I spent the night there but that's besides the point) and Andie flew to a wedding.  

The rest of the summer was filled with lots of vet appointments for Lucy- who after months of diagnostics, we discovers had blown the cruciate ligament in her stifle (similar to the human ACL), lots of running (getting ready for the 1/2 marathon in January), lots of yoga (so relaxing), some working, both at Erik's and at horse shows and house sitting, and even leasing an nearly perfect mare, Vale.  I also got to hang out with Annie and Daisy, see some old friends, and drive the electric car (with Lucy, as pictured), spend lots of time reading and writing for my dissertation (which later fell apart but more on that later).  

Daisy- greeting me when I first arrived home for the summer

Lucy- hanging out in the electric car

Annie got a good grooming- hard to believe she's around 30 years old!

Lucy loves her back porch time every evening

One of my three favorite mares

Me and Marge (and mountain dew slushies)

So glad I got to call her mine for the summer

With all the time I spent around animals this summer, it only reinforced what I wrote in my last post before I stopped writing for the summer.  I said, "That said, I've missed animals terribly over the past 2 years and I can't wait to be in a place where I can ride, or even groom regularly, and maybe have a dog to come home to."  I really, really miss animals.  I miss my time at the vet school, I miss riding horses, I miss having pets.  I loved it all when that was my life (even graveyard shifts at the vet school), and I want to get back to it, but I also don't regret the path I've been taking to one day get back to animals.  After all, I got to attend 2 great universities for undergrad, work in finance, live in 2 foreign countries, work with kids, and even attend Oxford, which is something I never even fathomed I could do when growing up in small town Georgia.  And I've learned and grown so much- particularly how to approach and think about human/animal relations, lay knowledge, etc. 

I guess this summer just made me realize a few things: 

1. It's hard to admit this but I am pretty sure I was wrong about wanting to pursue academia, even if I was super gung-ho about it 4 month ago. 
2. I want to work with animals (not so different from 4 months ago). 
3. I think I was on to something freshman and sophomore year of college when I thought I'd be going to vet school. 
4. I need to work and take some additional pre-reqs before vet school can be a reality. 
5. I love living all over the world, but the south will always be home.  I don't have to return now, or even in the next few years, but someday the south will once again be home.  As Wendell Berry wrote in A Native Hill: "Kentucky was my fate-- not an altogether pleasant fate, though it had much that was pleasing in it, but one that I could not leave behind simply by going to another place, and that therefore felt more and more obligated to meet directly and understand.  Perhaps even more important, I still had a deep love for the place I have been born in, and liked the idea of going back to be part of it again.  And that, too, I felt obligated to try to understand.  Why should I love one place so much more than any other?  What could be the meaning or use of such love? ... I had made a significant change in my relation to the place: before, it had been mine by coincidence or accident; now it was mine by choice."
6. Even if I am wrong about vet school, as I've been wrong about my life path many, many times before (after all, I have "finally figured out that making a plan for [my] whole life doesn't get [me] out of all the stuff that comes along whenever it feels like it"), I have learned so many interesting, useful things.  I've met so many life long friends and seen a bit more of this great world we live it.  I am 26 and I still feel like the possibilities are endless... my main goal is to build an interesting and eclectic life and so far, I think I'm on track to do that (or many I just want to feel better about being 26 and still having no set career path?)  I'd say a bit of both.  

Once September rolled around, it was time to head back across the pond to the Motherland.  I was the first person of my new housemates to arrive, and honestly, getting settled was a bit of a nightmare. Our letting agency has been about as unhelpful as you can imagine and when I arrived, the house was filthy and far from move in ready.  I arranged a cleaning service and set up our utilities and internet (which took a month for them to connect... imagine comcast customer service and then multiply the terribleness by 10) and generally tried to get things in order.  From lots of giant house spiders (google it), to a broken lawn mower (which has yet to be fixed/replaced.... our house looks abandoned), to a supposedly "broken" sliding glass door (the lock is broken)- which is turns out was blocked so no one could open it.... from the OUTSIDE (so ANYONE could open it since the lock was broken), to a broken washer, to a broken vacuum... the list goes on and on and on.  

This is NOT one of the giant house spiders... this just one of the hundreds of big but regular (and still pretty big) spiders invading our house.

To top things off, while trying to get settled I managed to lose my drivers license, which someone nicely found and since they were leaving town the next day, they turned into the local police and facebooked messaged me to let me know that they had done so.  Only, when I went to pick it up... the police told me that they do not return any identification that is turned in since it could be "compromised," so my license is gone forever.  I was also worried about things going on back home, including my Grandma's decline in health and Lucy's healing process after her TPLO (surgery to fix her leg).  

Still, being back in Oxford was nice.  I love our house (despite its plethora of problems) and I have a huge room that gets gorgeous light in the afternoons.  And I especially love the people I live with (both the permanent members and those rotating in and out).  One night we had a "family" dinner with everyone from our house cooking a dish that represents their culture (lebanese soup from katherine, a Pakistani dish from Saher, I made shrimp and grits, etc). 

The new room

Yum- family dinner

There was Modern Family with Louis and late night chats with Katherine, and lots of afternoon visits to the Victoria Arms to drink lemonade or cider by the Cherwell.  We also cooked stuffed grape leaves/dolmas one night, along with dates stuffed with goat cheese and drizzled with honey and balsamic vinegar (and topped with toasted walnuts.) Katherine even bought us aprons for all of our cooking adventures.  

Making dolmas

Making dolmas

Trying to roll the dolmas

Cheese stuffed dates

New aprons!

AND- because we cook so much and all love local and organic produce, our entire house pitches in every week and buys a family size veg box from a CSA type of place... it's pretty awesome and I've made some pretty delicious meals from the produce.  

Roasted veg from the veg box

Salad with roasted veg's (salad and all the veggies from veg box) AND a side of homemade hummus

Brittany even cut my hair for me and it's so much better- so much dead weight gone and it's nice that it now doesn't take quite so long to wash and dry my hair!

New hair cut

Plus, we live in what I am 100% sure is the prettiest village in Oxfordshire and the view out my window is a meadow.  Does it get any better?  

Meadow near the house

Walking path into town

Best section of the bike path between our house and town

Scenes from a walk near the house

Cool, fringed flowers

So pretty

Sometimes on my bike ride into town I have to stop and get cows off the path.  Love it.

Another high was getting my grades back from exams... it was such a stressful experience and although I felt reasonably good about them at the time... by the time they arrived i had convinced myself I'd failed every subject.  Instead, I did reasonably well on Policy and Governance, good on theory and analysis, and I earned my first distinction on the research design and methods exam- which is a bit surprising since those were my least favorite classes BUT I suppose does make some sense because I got to write some pretty interesting answers on issues like ethics and positionally, if social science can ever capture truth or only representations of truth, and the need for visual methods. When I started Oxford, I wanted to do well, but I also wanted to be realistic... everyone on my course is used to being at the top... everyone is smart.  Everyone is a good write.  Everyone makes good arguments.  I never had any delusions that I would leave Oxford with a distinction on anything... and now I have one (even if only on one exam) and my other grades are high enough that with a solid dissertation I could actually end up with an overall distinction.  

My friends also went above and beyond to make sure I had a great birthday.  Brittany cooked brunch for my party, and people came and went (with amazingly thoughtful gifts) eating, drinking, and helping clear our garden plot... which was overgrown with huge amounts of thorny things, including blackberries, and also full of biting ants (that hurt way worse than fireants) and stinging nettle (which I managed to get all over my lower back... ouch).  It was so good to see everyone and to have so many friends willing to come pitch in and hang out (including Andreas and Anna who came from London!)

Our allotment plot- all cleared!

Still, I couldn't help but feel that I was not where I needed to be.  I was already worried about things back home and feeling a bit stressed and overwhelmed... and then my research fell apart.  I'd spent the summer building a wonderful research contact (who was/is very generous with her time and has been a huge help) but then working directly with her fell apart due to some unexpected circumstances.  I could have handled that, but then, when I met with my advisor about where to go from here, we had very, very different ideas about what direction my project should take.  To be clear, my advisor is wonderful- he gives me way more time than a lot of other professors might, and he's really helped guide this project... but when it needed to change, we just did not see eye to eye on what a new direction could be.  After a few frustrating emails and a meeting that took lots of self control not to cry during, I decided that I needed a fresh start.  I needed to go home and get a new license, ride Vale, check on Lucy, spend time with family, re-evaluate my project, etc. And so I did. 

For the past three weeks I've been home and while Thomas Wolfe might have said "you can't go home again" that is only metaphorical.  "Home-- the place, the countryside-- was still there, still pretty much as I left it, and there is no reason I could not go back to if I wanted to."  And I did want to.  I was productive while I was home.  I replaced my license, wrote nearly 20 pages on my new dissertation topic (which, I actually decided on AND got my advisor on board with... the working title is: What Makes an Animal Edible?  The Octopus: A case study"), I rode Vale a few times, cleaned our house, helped throw Mom a party, spent lots of time with Lucy, got horse blankets washed for the winter, worked a bit, applied for jobs (for after Oxford!), voted in midterm elections, etc etc. 

Madison is so pretty

Enjoying the evening in the yard- look at that raspberry patch!

Adorable lizard friend

Says it all

Lucy was so happy to see me!

Caning with Clayton- someday I will learn how

I really, really enjoyed the weather

When I left Monday, I felt much more ready to go.  Yesterday, I arrived back in Oxford and I've hit the ground running.  Today I had my first class of this year- a lecture and discussion on reconciliation ecology.  I really like the professor and the themes, so it should be a great class.  From there, I hit the library- and felt very Oxford-ish: 

Gray, but pretty views from my window seat at the library

After that, I ran errands (grocery store, post office, lunch, and stationary store) and then came home, relaxed for a bit, took a run, and then did some reading.  Louis and I made dinner tonight, watched an episode of modern family, and since then, I've been reading and blogging. 

I promise now that I am actually back, I'll be better about updating.  I have a good bit planned over the next two weeks/weekends so I'll stay on top of it!